TSIMU: Wil Wheaton and Ali's Excellent Adventure

TSIMU = True Story I Made Up

This is a work of absolute fiction. But it totally happened in my brain.

Wil Wheaton** and I were walking down the street one day talking about how unfair a gelatinous cube could be when he stopped dead in his tracks and his mouth fell agape.

I glanced at him quizzically. He pointed and stuttered a few times before choking out "TARDIS*. replica. right. there." He pointed to my right and I did a double take.

Sure enough, a large blue Police box perched on the corner, a silhouette of a head illuminated through the windows.

"Someone's in it," I said. "We should probably keep walking."

The doors opened and a tall lanky man walked out with floppy black hair.

"Neil Gaiman?!?!" both Wil and I exclaimed.

"You two need to hurry," he replied. "I've been waiting for you. You have a competition to win."

"Wait, what?" I couldn't help it. I was flabbergasted. One of my favorite authors stepped out of the blue effing box and told us he was waiting for us.

I looked to Wil to confirm that Neil had indeed gone crazy and felt my blood pressure drop. Wil was wiping tears from his face.

"It's... real?" he uttered.

"Of course it's real. Now get in."

"Where are we headed?" Wil said as he grabbed my wrist and led me into the contraption.

"The eighties." Neil stepped in behind me.

"Okay," I said with a sigh. "Um... I know what the TARDIS looks like, but I don't know what it does. Isn't it just a prop?"

"How would I have gotten it here?" Neil questioned.

"So you're telling me that the TARDIS that they use on Dr. Who..." Wil began.

"... is real." Neil finished.

"How did you get this?" I asked, not sure if I wanted to know the answer.

"I've been writing for Dr. Who," Neil replied.

"You nicked the TARDIS from set?" I slapped both of my hands to my face and took a deep breath. Telling myself to calm down wasn't working. I was on the edge of a panic attack.

"Hence the need to leave quickly," he said as he fiddled with something on the interior of the cabin. "I'm sure there are some security measures they have taken to locate the box once it appears."

My mouth went dry as this demonic whirring noise starting sounding around me, followed by a sound I can only write down as "pkew pkew".

"Calm down," Wil said, patting at his messenger bag. "A good GM never leaves anywhere without his bag of holding. If it's the eighties we're headed to, we're talking Basic Set D&D. 2nd or 3rd edition. We'll be fine."

"This isn't a Dungeons and Dragons competition," Neil said, a long smile on his face. He handed me a faded newspaper article and I glanced at the headline.

"But... but... but..." I couldn't help but stutter.

"What is it?" Wil said as I handed him the article.

"I don't know how to breakdance."

This concludes Part 1 of Wil and Ali's Excellent Adventure. Will Wil (heh. that's fun to write) and Ali prevail? What is on that article? What is in Wil's bag of holding? Does Ali have a panic attack? Can she master a Pencil Spin? WTF IS a Pencil Spin?

Set your RSS reader to stun, because you will be. Oh, you will be.

* TARDIS is a registered trademark of the BBC. I own no rights to it. Nor do Wil Wheaton and Neil Gaiman, but I'm sure they'd both like one.

** I also own no rights to Wil Wheaton or Neil Gaiman. I do, however, thoroughly enjoy each of their bodies of work. This is a true story that I made up... in this dimension at least.

*** I have also never seen Dr. Who. That's pretty much the only truth in this little escapade. That, and Wil Wheaton has a bag of holding.

If Wil or Neil happens to catch wind of this, uh... hi guys. It was a writing challenge that I inadvertently gave to myself. If you want me to remove it, I'd happily do so.

Saturday Simplicity

I wrote this over on my personal blog today, but I think people who read this will really get a kick out of it (once we get past the "Jules is ill" bit). I have bloody amazing children!

----

I'm ill. I'm ill to the status of turning into a "sucky baby". I don't complain unless it is really bad. My Lupus is really trying to kick my ass, showing me no mercy. I haven't had a flare last for this long in a very long time. Even so I always live with a good amount of pain, I had forgotten just how bad bad can be. I've been running a fever since I awoke yesterday. Today, I woke up with mouth ulcers. I'm grumpy. I'm irritable. I'm liable to lash out at any poor unsuspecting soul. But thank Bob for my children. At least they can keep me laughing through all of this.

It started this morning. I got up feeling like shit and as if someone beat the crap out of me in my sleep, yet again. I put on my glasses and hobbled down to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. I sat down in front of my computer to check my email and Twitter while I waited for the blessed coffee to brew. Because I'm ill, my vision is also being affected and every thing was blurry and as if it had a white film across it. That is when the following conversation took place:

Me: Where are my glasses?

Kid2: What?

Me: I can't find my glass. Help me find them. (Starts searching). Wait. Never mind. They are on my face.

Kid2: BWAHAHAHA! OMG! I thought that only happens in movies! Too funny. Mom, that was pro. You are so fail today! Way too funny, mom.

Shortly afterward, his dad picked him up to do some clothes shopping. Upon his return, I hear the following:

Kid2: Mom, look at this! I picked it out all on my own. You want it, don't you? You're jealous aren't you? You'd wear this to your next convention, wouldn't you?

Me: OMG! DUDE! That is so awesome! YES! I do want it! Man, you're awesome!

Kid2: *giggles* I knew it!

And just now, the following conversation occurred while I was outside getting some fresh air as I'm burning up.

(After Kid2 and his friend rounded the corner into the backyard)

Kid2's friend: I hear that you can walk on your hands.

Me: Yes, I can.

Kid2: She can also lick her elbows! I don't know how she does it. It is freaky but still cool. Mom, show her!

Me: Honey, I'm not feeling well. My body really hurts right now. Otherwise, I'd love to show my freaky skills.

(Kid2 and Kid2's friend try to lick their elbows while conversing over how they don't understand how it is possible.)

Me: Fine! I'll do it! (licks elbow).

Kid2's friend: WOW!

Kid2: SEE! Told you! They say it isn't possible to lick your elbows, but my mom can!

Me: Well, what "they" say is false. It isn't impossible, it is just rare.

Kid2 to his friend: She makes a good point. My mom is a rare breed of person. It is one of the things that makes her so awesome. She's rare and weird but in a really good way. (To Me) She also doesn't believe that you squee'd when I showed you my Mario shirt.

Me: Yes, I did squee.

Kid2's friend: Then you'd squee over my brother's shirt as he has the same one.

Me: I probably would.

Kid2: Okay, mom. I have to go into the back forest now. I left my winter coat back there.

Me: Why is your winter coat back there?

Kid2: Because I needed it to sing The Mountain Climber song while climbing trees.

Despite feeling like death waiting to happen, at least I can look forward to a day filled with laughter.

----------

One of the things I really am appreciative of is that my children are both geeks. I wouldn't say they are nerds but they are definitely geeks. I've never done anything to groom them as such. It is just how they have turned out (which is pretty damn awesome!). But what makes me appreciate all of this more, is that they are growing up in an age where it is accepted among their peers. Or maybe it is just accepted among their peers in my neck of the woods. They have never been teased for it or have been made to feel as if they are "weird" because of it. Or maybe they are but do not notice it because I've raised them to be very self-assured individuals. Most likely, it is a combo of both.

I also think it is rather fab that they have people in the media, outside of myself, who are nerds/geeks which they can look up to. I think I am a damn fine role model but it really is comforting to know they have some outside of me, something I did not really have growing up.

I think that is all I have to say about that. If I don't stop vomiting out my thoughts now, this blog post would never end.

EDIT: Now that I actually think about it, Kid1 is a nerd and Kid2 is a geek.